This isn’t going to be an easy post for me. However, please bear with me as I write because it will likely bring a little more healing to a very raw broken heart.
Nathan and I recently found out that we were expecting baby number 3. Our previous difficulty to conceive means that news like this is none other than ELATING! We were already making plans for this new little love. Considering baby room reno’s, tossing baby names around, wondering what Ben and Sophie would be like with another little baby in the mix…..
Bottom line: we fell head over heels in LOVE!
Saturday night we went out for dinner with a large group of friends. After dinner we went back to our friend Nancy’s house to have some dessert and continue our visiting. After returning home (in a crazy snowstorm), I noticed while getting ready for bed that some bleeding had started…. Long story short, after a legnthy stay in emergency overnight we were told the very worst news we have ever had to deal with as parents….we lost our precious baby.
This week has brought many emotions to the surface. While we never met our baby- we were already very, very attached. We mourn the reality that we will never hold her. We mourn the reality that her brother and sister will never get to know her. We mourn the reality that we will never watch her grow, see what she could have become, know what talents she would have posessed….
On the flip side, we have felt that God has certianly been our comfort these past couple of days and feel as though he is certianly giving us peace.
Whether that be through our many great friends and family and the many ways they have blessed us this week: (flowers, meals, treats, cards, encouraging emails/calls/mail, housecleaning, laundry, visits, and lots and lots of hugs!!!) ….or through scripture we’ve been seeking that gives us such hope. Either way, we feel his presence so much.
We are going through the process of grieving. We have given the baby the name “Aubrey” so that when explaining her short life to her brother and sister in the days to come, they will have a name to identify her by. I have collected up things such as pictures, pregnancy tests and cards to start a small scrapbook to keep her memory.
We know that for some reason God knew she was needed in heaven more than here with us. We are comforted by the fact that her death is not final- that we will indeed meet her one day when we join her in heaven.
Revelation 21:4 says “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” We look forward to the day when there will be no more death, no more pain, no more crying…and we are so grateful that Jesus has given us this hope to hold on to 🙂
Our "cake" announcement 🙂
We aren’t angry. After having Sophie, we know better than to believe anything but “everything happens for a reason.” We just need some time to process our saddness. To grieve our loss. And…we are attempting to do that as healthily as we possibly can.
Please pray for us! And if you have been one of those people who have majorly blessed us this week (you know who you are)…THANK YOU! We pray you will be blessed double what you have blessed us!
One final image that is truly healing my heart- 🙂
She is resting in his hands! How wonderful 🙂